Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
