when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
