Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
