Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
