Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
