cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
