I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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