You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
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