Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
