I should be sponsored by Trojan
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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