But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize