You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
