dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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