so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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