maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
