That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
