Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She announced her abortion via fbk
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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