My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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