apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
