Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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