The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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