She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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