She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
