Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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