Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
