and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
