i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
