There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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