go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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