NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Someone signed my nipple.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize