I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
