Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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