so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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