i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
