eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
