going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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