Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My ass is underappreciated
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
