i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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