True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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