I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
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