yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Found your dick twin last night
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
