Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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