what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
