This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
