im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
