hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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