i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
