Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
