Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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