you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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