when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
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Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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