So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
