At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
