the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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