3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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