is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
