My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
