he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Randomize
