so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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