Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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