Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
