Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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