i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
