Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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