apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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