yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
