She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
