Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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