this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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