problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
