it wasn't lemon gatorade
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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