i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
