Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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