$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
