I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
