The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
