i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
