3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
