I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
