I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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