There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I love having hate sex.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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