It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
