he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
