We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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