i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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